He began emptying his pockets onto the bathroom counter. Pens, change, a pair of unused gloves, then the piece of paper. He threw it on the counter, and proceeded towards the shower. Maybe it was nerves, maybe it was simply fear. There was something about that one piece of paper that scared the lights out of him.
His shower was quick. Instead of soothing, the shower felt torturous. The content of that paper weighed heavily on his mind. With each drop of water that rushed down his body, his anxiety worsened. He reached over to turn off the water, and wrestled open the broken curtain. Grabbing for his towel, he made little effort to dry himself off. With the towel wrapped around his waist he walked toward the paper, and picked it up off of the counter.
Jeremy strode toward his kitchen, where his freshly brewed coffee awaited him. He studied the pot for a moment, then poured it in the glass with the Irish cream. After taking a sip, and being content with it's taste he sat down at his table. He placed the piece of paper down in front of him. With a deep breath he opened it up, his stomach knotting at it's words.
"I'm sorry. I didn't want things to end this way.
I Hope you all can forgive me. I can't stand
the pain anymore. I am so tired of seeing
people lose the ones they love. It is eating me
alive. To my family, I want you to know that
I love you all, so very much. There will never
be a day that goes by that that I don't think of
you all. Please tell Jeremy that I am sorry. Tell
him that he was everything to me. He was more
than just my partner, he was my best friend. I
was truly in love with him, but sometimes pain
is stronger than love. Tell Jessie that I am sorry
about Maria. Tell her I am sorry I couldn't be
the one to tell her, that I wasn't there to comfort
her. Tell Alexis I will miss her, and that I love her
dearly. Make sure she takes care of herself, and
make sure she takes care of Jeremy. I really hope all
of you can forgive me. I love you. This is goodbye.
Sammy"
Jeremy sat there, speechless. Tears flowed down his cheeks, landing in drops on the piece of paper. She loved him too. He couldn't wrap his mind around it. Why didn't he tell her how he felt before it was too late? He waited too long, and now he will never know what could have been.
He re-read the letter over and over again. Maybe she knew how he felt about her, but never told him. And, what did she mean when she told Alexis to take care of him? This was all too much to take in. He remembered telling Alexis yesterday that he would be sure to stop by and visit. He would probably have to stay true to that promise. Sammy would want him to check in on her two younger sisters, and make sure they were okay. Alexis was 19, and finishing up her first year of community college. Jessie was 17, and still in high school finishing up her Junior year. The looks of sadness on their faces at Sammy's funeral was more than he could bear to see.
The pain of the memories was more than he could take. He stood slowly from his seat at the kitchen table. On shaky legs, he walked to the liquor cabinet. He realized that the Irish coffee was no longer strong enough to drown the images flashing through his mind. He reached up for another bottle of whiskey, opened the cap, and took a long drink from the bottle.
The images poured into his head as though he was seeing them for the first time. He was standing outside the door of Sammy's apartment. He reached up, and knocked on her door, but there was no response. He knocked a second time, this time hearing what he thought was a faint whimper. He tried to open the door, but it was locked. Something wasn't right, he knew it. He reached into his pants pocket, and pulled out his phone dialing 911, to request a well being check. He knew if anything they could gain access to her house with force. He waited impatiently at her door, for what seemed like forever before the first wave of responders pulled into her apartment building's lot. As they approached, he recognized the Medics walking toward him, it was Andrew and Dawn accompanied by two police officers. Another car pulled in behind them. It was her landlord, with the key to her apartment. It all happened so fast. The landlord unlocked the door, and before they could enter, Jeremy raced past them trying to seek out Sammy. He heard the shower running, so he cautiously entered her bathroom. "Sammy, are you okay? Sammy it's me, Jeremy." Total silence. He felt a pit in his stomach as he reached for the shower curtain, and opened it.
There she was, her lifeless body laying in the bathtub. She was fully clothed, and her skin was pale. On her left arm, there was a large laceration, and blood stained her clothing. He reached down to check for a pulse, but found nothing. Her body was as cold as the water flowing over her. He reached over and turned off the shower. Behind him emerged Andrew and Dawn, their faces frozen in horror. Jeremy scooped Sammy out of the tub, gently laid her on the floor, and began chest compressions. Soon, he felt a hand on his shoulder urging him away. It was Officer Day, pulling him away from Sammy's lifeless body. Andrew and Dawn moved in quickly, trying their hardest to bring her back. Jeremy watched helplessly as his friends worked on Sammy. Officer Day was speaking to him, but he couldn't comprehend a word he spoke. There was nothing else in that room but Sammy. As Andrew and Dawn whisked her away, Jeremy broke. Falling to his knees, he began to sob. Officer Day, knelt beside him in attempts to comfort him. Any questions he had for Jeremy would have to wait. There was absolutely no way he could answer them. Officer Green emerged from Sammy's bedroom moment's later, and stood next to officer day with a solemn look on her face. Not once did she mention the note that Sammy had left.
Jeremy left her house, and immediately went to the closest bar. He drowned himself in beer and whiskey until the bar closed. At some point Andrew had joined him, but he couldn't remember when. All he knew was, Andrew was the one who brought him home that night. Jeremy never remembered feeling as numb as he did that night. Ever since then, he had been trying to find that same numbness again.
The calling hours, and the funeral came and went. Jeremy remembered the looks on the faces of Sammy's family. He wondered if they blamed him, as much as he blamed himself. The minute he heard her whimper, he should have done all he could to enter her home. But he didn't. She could have made it if he had acted, and not done what was considered the "right" thing. It was all his fault.
Jeremy closed his eyes. The tears had stopped flowing, and slowly his anger with himself started to take over. He took mouthful, after mouthful of whiskey down, hoping it would make him forget. He wanted the images to leave, and stay away. He didn't want to remember. He drank and drank until the bottle was gone.
He stood up, and nearly fell over. He staggered over to his cabinet, and opened it forcefully. When he realized he had no whisky left, he exploded. Everything in the cabinet was pulled out and thrown across his kitchen. He then pushed the coffee maker off the counter, the pot still full of coffee shattering upon impact with the floor. He flipped the table, and tossed the chairs. Still enraged he approached the wall, and as hard as he could he swung at it. As his hand made contact with the drywall, his fist created a large hole. Pain seared through his hand, up into his arm. Jeremy cursed. Gripping his arm, he stumbled toward the sink. Next thing he knew, he lost his balance slipping on the coffee that spilled on the floor. Jeremy fell hard, hitting his head on the arm of one of the overturned chairs. The room spun as pain ripped through his body. Finally the images faded, as he slipped out of consciousness.
STAY TUNED FOR "The Downward Spiral- Part 4"
Written by: RU- Responders Unite
© Responders Unite- Do not remove author's name from material.
Awesome! This story is so good!
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