He arose slowly, taking his time getting to his feet. Once upright, the room began to spin. Placing his hand on the wall to hold himself up, he waited for the room to stand still. He took another deep breath, and when he was somewhat certain he wasn't going to fall, he moved forward towards the bathroom. He stopped at the sink, and turned on the water. Giving himself a quick glance in the mirror, he made a subtle sound of disgust. He didn't even recognize himself anymore. He splashed the cool water over his face, and walked toward the shower. As much as he couldn't care less about how he smelled, or looked he couldn't let his coworkers see him this way.
The water was warm. As it washed over his head and face, he closed his eyes enjoying the feel of it's soothing warmth. For a moment, he thought how nice it would be if it could wash away the feelings of guilt, and sadness he had been carrying around for the last two months. Tears threatened to escape from his eyes, but he refused to let them fall. He couldn't believe it had been two months since he lost his best friend, Sammy. The pain of it all was still so fresh, that it's wounds still felt only days old. If only he had gotten to her sooner, she would still be here. He couldn't help feeling guilty, as she laid there dying, he was standing just outside of her door. He should have kicked down her door, he should have known something was terribly wrong. His tears began to fall. With a quick swipe of his forearm, the tears were pushed aside. Sadness being replaced by anger. Jeremy quickly turned off the shower. Ripping the shower curtain off the rod, with the strength of his frustration. He got dressed quickly, again refusing to shave. He didn't care. If his boss didn't like his 3-day beard, he could very well kiss his ass. The uniform didn't feel like it used to. There was no pride in it. He dreaded even looking at it.
Sammy was quickly replaced with a new partner. He hated his new partner. She had the personality of a rock, and she reminded him of a lava lamp. Sometimes he was sure her whole purpose in life was to make everyone around her just as miserable as she was. Just what he needed, right? 48 hours a week with Cathy, or "Cunty" as he referred to her. In his eyes, the name suited her well. Just thinking about the next 24 hours with Cathy, made his stomach churn. Oh how he wished one day he would wake up, and realize the past few months were just a horrible dream.
Jeremy strode towards his kitchen. Dishes filled the sink, and bills were piled high on his table. Rings from previous cups of coffee stained his counters. Next to his refrigerator sat a bottle of whiskey. It took everything in him not to grab that bottle, and drown himself in it's taste. He walked toward it, and picked it up. Staring at it for a long while, he felt his rage explode. Jeremy quickly turned around and threw the bottle at his wall, grabbed the keys to his truck and walked out the door. He decided he would get his coffee on the way into work.
Jeremy felt like a robot. His mind was often blank, and he felt as though he was living life just going through the motions. As he parked his truck, his eyes wandered to the spot next to his where Sammy used to park. With a sigh, he removed the keys from the ignition, and strode toward the door of the base.
Andrew met him at the door. His face not nearly as bright and cheerful as it used to be. He wasn't handling the death of Sammy well either. The day she died, Andrew and Dawn were working on the ambulance. Jeremy couldn't imagine they could get the images out of their heads either. Andrew greeted Jeremy with a solemn nod, and placed his hand on Jeremy's shoulder.
"Have another rough night, bud?" Andrew asked
"Not nearly as rough as this shift will be." Jeremy grumbled.
"Oh, come on Cathy is a gem! You are the envy of the station. We all wish we had a chance to work with a walking amoeba!" Andrew smiled, but it didn't quite reach his eyes.
"Nobody should ever get seasick from watching their partner walk." Jeremy said, choking back a grin. He felt as though he shouldn't be allowed to feel happiness, not after everything that happened.
"Well, good luck today. Stay out of trouble. Oh, and buddy be safe."
Jeremy nodded his head, and watched his friend leave. Since that day, even looking at Andrew was hard. Luckily, Dawn usually left before Jeremy got in. Cathy was always early, and Dawn took advantage of being able to sneak out before the end of her shift, to get home before her kids woke up for school. She claimed the 5 minutes alone before the morning chaos of making breakfast, and rushing her kids off to school made her day more bearable. Just as well for him, because just seeing Andrew and Dawn together made his stomach knot. He didn't want to resent them. They had all been friends for years. He knew they did their best to try and save Sammy, but he couldn't help but think they could have done more. It was stupid, and he knew it. He just wasn't ready to admit it.
He didn't know how long he was standing there, lost in his own thoughts. When he looked up he noticed someone walking towards the Ambulance bay door. It was a young woman. Maybe 17 or 18. She was blonde, and very petite. She was holding something in her hand. As she got closer, Jeremy's heart sank. It was Alexis, Sammy's little sister. As she approached, Jeremy released his breath. He didn't even realize until that moment that he had been holding it.
"Hey Jeremy. It's nice to see you. I stopped by yesterday, you weren't here but Andrew told me you would be working today. I hope you don't mind me stopping in."
"Hi Alexis. I don't mind you being here at all. It's nice to see you. How are you doing, kid?" he said softly.
"I'm holding up. I am lucky to be surrounded by a lot of supportive people. It's been a rough couple of months."
"Yeah, I hear you lady." Jeremy replied, looking down towards the floor. For some reason he just couldn't bring it upon himself to look Alexis in the face. She looked so much like Sammy, it was difficult to look at her and hold it together.
"So, hey I have something for you. I thought you would like to see this. It took my mom awhile to let it go, but she agreed that you needed to see it."
Jeremy reached out, and took what was in her hand. It was a piece of paper, and a photo. The photo was of Sammy, and himself in front of the ambulance. It was spring time, and the truck was parked in front of Silver Lake. They were doing a detail for the town beach. It was the annual fishing derby. Her long blonde hair laid over her shoulders, and her blue eyes sparkled. On her right cheek she had a dimple that only appeared when she smiled. Oh, that smile. It could light up the world. He looked like a giant standing next to her. His brown hair, messy from the wind. There was a light in his hazel eyes, that he had not seen since Sammy died. They were both happy. He had lost weight in the past two months. He no longer resembled the physically fit, healthy man that he used to be. Through his thoughts, a voice broke through. Alexis, he forgot she was standing there.
"So, I have to get to school now. It was nice to see you Jeremy. Stop by some time. It would mean a lot to all of us."
"Will do kiddo, and thanks. it was nice seeing you. Take care of yourself." He embraced Alexis in a hug.
Alexis pulled away, and with tears in her eyes. She turned and walked away. Jeremy was left standing there. He tucked the picture in his breast pocket. He figured it would be safe there, for now. He looked at the folded piece of paper in his hands. He was about to open it, when Cathy appeared.
"We have a call. Get in the truck." She said, with attitude.
" Yes, ma'am." he replied while sarcastically saluting her. "Good morning by the way, seems as though you are shitting rainbows and butterflies. So glad you are yet again, in such a happy mood." Cathy didn't reply to his comments, but merely rolled her eyes, and put the truck in drive.
"Do you mind releasing the location of which we are heading to, or is that classified information?" He asked, making sure she knew how much he didn't want to be near her.
"We're heading to 12 main street, for a patient experiencing shortness of breath, happy now?" she replied hastily.
"Not really" He answered. "I won't be happy until 7am tomorrow."
"That makes two of us then." Cathy replied.
The rest of the shift was nice and silent. He didn't mind. Cathy wasn't exactly warm and fuzzy. So, barely exchanging words with her didn't bother him any. Before he knew it, they had done 12 calls. It was midnight, and they were just now getting back to the station. He walked into the crew room, and threw himself onto his bed. He was far too tired to even remove his boots. He was about to close his eyes when he remembered about the small piece of paper folded in his pocket. He didn't know if he wanted to read it now, or not. Curiosity ate at him, but he decided he would wait to read it until he got home the next morning. If it was something bad, he figured he could hold off seeing it until then. For now, he was exhausted and wanted to sleep.
Written by: RU- Responders Unite
© Responders Unite- Do not remove author's name from material.
No comments:
Post a Comment