Thursday, December 11, 2014

The Downward Spiral- Part 10

   Alexis looked at her phone. Hesitating slightly, she scrolled through her contact list and selected Jeremy's number. Today was the day of her party, and she really hoped Jeremy would show up. She always liked Jeremy. Secretly, she always had a little crush on him. He was 6 years older than she, but that didn't stop her feeling the way she did.

   It used to kill her seeing the way Jeremy looked at Sammy. She knew Sammy liked him as well, but that never stopped Alexis from hoping that some day, Jeremy would look at her the same way. With a sigh, Alexis hit send.

   The phone rang, and rang, going unanswered. His voice mail picked up, but she ended the call before leaving a message. She didn't want to seem desperate, so instead, she sent him a text message.

                                             "Hey, It's Alexis. Just wanted to see if you were
                                             coming today, or not. I haven't heard from you 
                                             and we are trying to get a final head count. I 
                                             tried calling, but you must be busy. Let me 
                                             know, okay?"

   Closing her phone, Alexis took a deep breath and prayed he would reply. She had a lot to do, to get ready for her birthday bash. She tried to push her thoughts of him aside. He would reply when he was good and ready. She threw her phone onto her bed, and walked out of her room.

   Downstairs, her parents waited for her. The kitchen smelled amazing. Scents of Pancakes, and bacon overtook her senses. Every year for their birthdays, her parents always made a point to make their favorite foods. Alexis just happened to enjoy breakfast the most. She wasn't expecting her parents to do much of anything for her this year, especially after Sammy died. They were not taking it well. Her mother cried every day. Her father often locked himself in his office, not to be seen, or heard from for most of the day. But today, things seemed almost normal. Her mother busy in the kitchen preparing food, and her father at the table reading the news paper. She thought of moving out, but she knew her parents needed her here. Sammy was their oldest daughter, and when she moved out, their mother had cried for days. She doubted her poor mother's heart could handle her leaving right now. Nope, she wouldn't be leaving home anytime soon.

   "Happy Birthday, pumpkin!" Her father said, as he stood to embrace her in a warm hug. "Mom's got breakfast cooking. Hope you're hungry!"

   "You know I can't turn down mom's cooking. It's like heaven!" Alexis said, turning to look at her mother.

   "Happy Birthday, Lex. Are you ready for your party today? It's a big day, you're no longer a teenager!" Her mother tried to smile, but it was hard to cover up the sadness in her eyes.

   Alexis walked to her mother, embraced her in a hug, and gave her a kiss on the cheek. "Thank you, mom. You didn't have to make a huge fuss."

   "You know I had to. I need you girls to know that, even with Sammy gone, I still love you more than life." she said, wiping a tear from her cheek.

   "We know mom. We love you, too." Life definitely wasn't the same without Sammy. But, at least her parents were trying to move forward.

   Alexis gave her mother's shoulder a light squeeze, and walked toward the table. Taking a seat, she looked at her father, trying his best to hide his emotions. It killed her to see them so hurt. How Sammy could leave them like this, with only a note left behind, she didn't know. She thought about the note Sammy left behind. So few words, mostly asking for forgiveness. She said she loved them all, but she couldn't handle losing anyone else. Well, had she thought about what it would do to them, losing her? Did she realize how much her family, and friends cared? Probably not.

   Something else about that note continued to leave her perplexed. What did she mean by "Take care of Jeremy?" She often thought about the meaning behind it. It didn't make much sense. Did she want her to be with him? Did she want her to just check in on him occasionally? Hell, what did it matter now? She wasn't there anymore. She took her life. She left her family broken, barely able to pick up the pieces. She hurt all of those who loved her. Those who would have dropped everything to be there for her, to help her. If only she had reached out, maybe things would have been different. Alexis had a hard time not being angry with her. She felt like Sammy took the coward's way out. Maybe, what she meant no longer mattered. Maybe, just maybe it was time for everyone to stop thinking about what Sammy would have wanted. She left them. All of them. With that thought, Alexis made a decision. She was no longer going to hold back. She wasn't going to be a coward. She knew what she wanted, and she was going to try and get it. She needed to live her life. She needed to get out of Sammy's shadow.


   Jeremy awoke, and checked his phone. He had a missed call, and a text message. "Jesus, Drew... you are quite the pest." he murmured to himself, opening his messages. The message was not from Drew. It was from Alexis.

   "Shit." he grumbled to himself. He completely forgot about her party. He knew he should probably go, but the thought of facing her family made him sick to his stomach, or was that the effects of his late night binge drinking? Hell, it was probably both. He sat and thought for a moment, and decided he should probably make an appearance. He didn't want to disappoint her. So, without another thought, he sent her a reply, telling her he would be there. He closed his phone, and cursed to himself.  How was he going to handle this? Well, he was going to have to try.

   With a sigh, he climbed out of bed. Once again, the room spun around him. He was getting far too used to this feeling. He knew all he needed was a morning drink to cure it all. But, today that wasn't an option. He dragged himself into his bathroom and started the shower. While waiting for the water to warm up, he walked to his sink. Looking into the mirror hanging just above it, he looked at his 3 day stubble. God, he looked like hell. Was it too late to change his mind, and stay locked in his house for the day? No. He needed to go. He had to. Alexis wanted him there, and he wasn't going to let her down, not like he let Sammy down.

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