Your Bad Decisions

    There I am, walking into the ICU. I chuckle slightly because I just then notice my choice of sweatshirt for the morning. It has a picture of the grim reaper on it, and the words read "natural selection intervention specialist." Not an appropriate sweatshirt to be wearing into an intensive care unit. I laugh some more. I guess I should have taken it off before I walked into the unit. I start towards the desk, remove my sweatshirt, fold it up, and put it on the desk. When I looked up, that is when I noticed you.

    Your face, it was young. You were intubated, and your pressure was barely holding. Nurses surrounded you, like worker bees trying to satisfy their queen. Physician assistants, cardio-thoracic surgeons, and trauma attendings walked in and out of your room. Each face upon leaving had a look of worry, and little faith. You are just merely 26 years old, with a bullet wound to the chest. You had 3 chest tubes, and massive tears to your subclavian artery. One of your 3 chest tubes was pushing out 400cc of pure blood every hour. You have already had 12 units of blood, and just as many units of platelets. All of a sudden, they decide you need to go back into surgery. You are bleeding out again. Operating room is prepped, and off you go for round 2.

    I sit there as I watch you leave. My mind surrounds the bad decisions you have made. The gang you decided to join. I thought how every unit of blood this young man received, was the product of a human being, who selflessly donated their own to save someone else. Did they ever think they would be saving a gang member?  Do you think they would have changed their mind about donating if they could see into the future, and what they were giving their blood for? The sad reality is, if this man pulls through, and survives being shot in the chest, either he will be hunted down again until the job is finished, or he will flaunt his scars as a symbol of how tough he is. How many men involved in gangs really see being shot as a wake up call? Not many.


    This man had no visitors until after he was out of surgery. His family didn't seem too upset at his critical state. I know if it were my child, I would be weeping. I would be furious, and I would not leave their side. They seemed numb, prepared, and worst of all, used to this scenario.

    I wish, someday some of these gang members would see the bigger picture. The picture of how their poor life choices effects more than just them. Their choices numb their families. They hurt others, and ruin others families. Then when incidents such as this happen, police, fire, and EMS run to their aid. They work tirelessly to keep you alive until they reach the emergency room. From there nurses, techs, doctors, respiratory therapists, surgeons, and many more medical professionals rush to your side. ultimately delaying care to the other people waiting in the ER, because you are now the sickest patient they have, next in line is the patient having a heart attack. They work tirelessly to get you stable enough to sit through what could be hours upon hours of surgery. Then the surgeons turn you over to the intensive care unit, where one nurse provides non stop care to you. hanging  units of blood, saline, medications, antibiotics, and platelets. All in hopes to keep you alive. The other nurses have to pick up more patients, and they have to start denying other patients, because there are not enough nurses for more. All because one nurse is working one on one with you. There will be nurses daily watching you like a hawk, working hard to keep you stable, to talk to your family, and to make sure nobody gets into your room that does not belong there. All to keep you safe and alive.

   I saw you, and you broke my heart. I know when you wake up, you won't think of what it took to get you to that point. You won't think of how many people secretly cried for you. You will be in a hurry to seek revenge. You will be thinking about getting out of there. You probably won't think of how many nurses where scared for their lives. Each person preparing for someone to come in with a gun, and finish what they started.

    This is a true testament as to how your actions effect others. Where as you think only your life is effected, you don't realize there is always a ripple in the water of life. There is always a bigger picture. The many lives that come together to help save yours. The people who give their own blood, which is now running through your veins, keeping you alive. So many that look at you, and cry inside because they know, a different life choice could have prevented this.

    I hope this event  changes this man's life for the better. I hope he wakes up and goes, you know what I need to stop living like this. I hope his family supports him, and I hope he goes on and makes a difference in others lives. Good luck to you, and may you live to see another day.