The Downward Spiral- Part 11

   There was a sea of guests. Each one asking her how she was holding up. She knew they were trying to be nice, but God, did every conversation need to be about her sister? Needing some air, she slipped out of the room, somehow managing to reach the front door completely unnoticed. Alexis didn't know how much more she could take. The day was supposed to be a celebration of her birthday, but instead, Sammy was all anyone thought about. Alexis opened the door, and walked right into a large chest. She nearly screamed, but quickly realized it was Jeremy standing in front of her.

   "Holy crap, you scared me!" Alexis said. clutching her chest.

   "Sorry about that kiddo, Happy Birthday." Jeremy replied. "Here this is for you" he said, handing her a small gift.

   Alexis held the gift in her hands, looking at it for a short moment. "Thank you for coming Jeremy, I am so happy to see you. Oh, and thanks for the present." She said fumbling with the neatly wrapped gift. "Can you do me a favor though?" she asked, feeling uncertain of herself.

   "Sure" He replied, raising an eyebrow.

   "Can you stop calling me kiddo? I'm tired of people treating me like a child." Alexis said quietly, now unable to look him in the eyes. "Sorry, I know it shouldn't be a big deal, but as of lately, it seems nobody wants to admit that I am now an adult."

   "Sure, I understand. I'll stop. I didn't realize it bothered you." He put his hand on her shoulder and gave it a gentle squeeze. "You know Alexis, I don't see you as a child." He said, trying to reassure her. "I haven't for quite some time. You are mature for your age. I'm deeply sorry for making you feel like a kid." Roughing her hair, in a teasing manner, he attempted to change the subject. "Now, miss Lex, why are you out here, while everyone else is in the house celebrating your birthday? Is everything alright?"

   "It's just that, well... nothing. It's nothing. I just needed some air, that's all." She said.

   "Okay. Well, if it's nothing, how about we go inside and celebrate?" Jeremy reached for the doorknob, opening the door for Alexis. Hesitating for just a moment, She moved past him, and back into the crowded room.

   For an hour, Alexis tried her best at coping with stories, and one sided conversations about Sammy. She kept scanning the room, looking for an escape. Looking for Jeremy. Where had he gone? Did he leave without saying goodbye? She hoped not.

   Out of nowhere, a large crash sounded from the kitchen, followed by loud curses. Puzzled, she rushed toward the noise. In the kitchen was Jeremy. Around him was a mess of broken glass, covering the floor. He was yelling at her neighbor, Juan. Jeremy was in Juan's face, almost as if he was daring him to throw a punch. Juan, just stood there, not knowing how to react. Juan spoke to Jeremy nervously. "Woah buddy, calm down. I was just trying to help. I was just trying to help you!"

   Jeremy, then pushed Juan, hard enough to throw him into the wall behind him. Juan hit hard, looking stunned.

  "WOAH! Jeremy! What is going on? What happened?" Alexis yelled.

   "Alexis, Get the fuck out of here! This is none of your fucking business! Get out of here, now!" Jeremy yelled, his speech slurred. Staggering toward a bag on the floor, Jeremy pulled out a bottle of whiskey. He then removed the cap, and took a long, hard drink.

   "I was trying to get him to stop drinking. I told him that he had enough, that he should try and sober up, but he lost it!" Juan stated, trying to move himself away from Jeremy's reach.

   "It's none of his goddamn business!" Jeremy exclaimed, moving toward Juan. "I'm a grown man, I can drink however much I want!"

   "Woah, Jeremy, enough! Juan is right, you need to stop!  Please, put the bottle down. We can talk about this!" Alexis pleaded. "Jeremy, please. I am begging you!" Tears threatened to escape.

   Jeremy stopped dead in his tracks, and looked at Alexis. "Awe kiddo, i'm sorry. Don't cry, I'm sorry." Jeremy stumbled forward, stopping right in front of her, pulling her toward him, nearly knocking both of them onto the floor.

   "Jeremy, you need to leave. Let's go, i'll drive you home." Alexis said, disappointment in her eyes. She wasn't prepared to see this side of Jeremy. Truthfully, it scared her to death.

   "God, i'm so sorry Lex. Please, believe me. I'm sorry." Jeremy started to sob. "I just miss her so much. I miss her so damn much."

   "I know, we all do. Now, let's go. We need to get you home. You've had enough to drink tonight."

   After what felt like eternity, Alexis managed to get Jeremy into her car, stopping twice for him to vomit on the grass. She couldn't believe how the night turned out. The party was a disaster, and now, she just wanted to curl up in a ball, and cry herself to sleep. Jeremy sat silently beside her, staring out the window. She guessed he was merely trying not to get sick in her car. Either way, she welcomed the silence.

   She pulled into his driveway, and put the car in park. "Come on, we have to get you into bed." She said to Jeremy, who was now trying to find the door handle, but having trouble. Alexis rolled her eyes and exited the car. She walked to the passenger side of the vehicle, and assisted Jeremy out. She walked him into his house, turning on his lights. She scanned the room quickly, noticing many empty bottles of alcohol. She led Jeremy to his room, and pulled back his blankets, inviting him to get into his bed. Before he did, he grabbed Alexis, pulling her into a hug.

   "Thank you for taking care of me. You're a good person, Lex." He then kissed her on the cheek. With a thud, he tipped over onto his bed. Alexis removed his shoes, and covered him with his blankets. In no time, Jeremy was fast asleep.

   Alexis turned off his light, and closed his door. Tomorrow she would deal with this. Tomorrow, she will tell him just how much he hurt her. "Happy Birthday to me." She mumbled as she walked out to her vehicle, and drove away.

The Downward Spiral- Part 10

   Alexis looked at her phone. Hesitating slightly, she scrolled through her contact list and selected Jeremy's number. Today was the day of her party, and she really hoped Jeremy would show up. She always liked Jeremy. Secretly, she always had a little crush on him. He was 6 years older than she, but that didn't stop her feeling the way she did.

   It used to kill her seeing the way Jeremy looked at Sammy. She knew Sammy liked him as well, but that never stopped Alexis from hoping that some day, Jeremy would look at her the same way. With a sigh, Alexis hit send.

   The phone rang, and rang, going unanswered. His voice mail picked up, but she ended the call before leaving a message. She didn't want to seem desperate, so instead, she sent him a text message.

                                             "Hey, It's Alexis. Just wanted to see if you were
                                             coming today, or not. I haven't heard from you 
                                             and we are trying to get a final head count. I 
                                             tried calling, but you must be busy. Let me 
                                             know, okay?"

   Closing her phone, Alexis took a deep breath and prayed he would reply. She had a lot to do, to get ready for her birthday bash. She tried to push her thoughts of him aside. He would reply when he was good and ready. She threw her phone onto her bed, and walked out of her room.

   Downstairs, her parents waited for her. The kitchen smelled amazing. Scents of Pancakes, and bacon overtook her senses. Every year for their birthdays, her parents always made a point to make their favorite foods. Alexis just happened to enjoy breakfast the most. She wasn't expecting her parents to do much of anything for her this year, especially after Sammy died. They were not taking it well. Her mother cried every day. Her father often locked himself in his office, not to be seen, or heard from for most of the day. But today, things seemed almost normal. Her mother busy in the kitchen preparing food, and her father at the table reading the news paper. She thought of moving out, but she knew her parents needed her here. Sammy was their oldest daughter, and when she moved out, their mother had cried for days. She doubted her poor mother's heart could handle her leaving right now. Nope, she wouldn't be leaving home anytime soon.

   "Happy Birthday, pumpkin!" Her father said, as he stood to embrace her in a warm hug. "Mom's got breakfast cooking. Hope you're hungry!"

   "You know I can't turn down mom's cooking. It's like heaven!" Alexis said, turning to look at her mother.

   "Happy Birthday, Lex. Are you ready for your party today? It's a big day, you're no longer a teenager!" Her mother tried to smile, but it was hard to cover up the sadness in her eyes.

   Alexis walked to her mother, embraced her in a hug, and gave her a kiss on the cheek. "Thank you, mom. You didn't have to make a huge fuss."

   "You know I had to. I need you girls to know that, even with Sammy gone, I still love you more than life." she said, wiping a tear from her cheek.

   "We know mom. We love you, too." Life definitely wasn't the same without Sammy. But, at least her parents were trying to move forward.

   Alexis gave her mother's shoulder a light squeeze, and walked toward the table. Taking a seat, she looked at her father, trying his best to hide his emotions. It killed her to see them so hurt. How Sammy could leave them like this, with only a note left behind, she didn't know. She thought about the note Sammy left behind. So few words, mostly asking for forgiveness. She said she loved them all, but she couldn't handle losing anyone else. Well, had she thought about what it would do to them, losing her? Did she realize how much her family, and friends cared? Probably not.

   Something else about that note continued to leave her perplexed. What did she mean by "Take care of Jeremy?" She often thought about the meaning behind it. It didn't make much sense. Did she want her to be with him? Did she want her to just check in on him occasionally? Hell, what did it matter now? She wasn't there anymore. She took her life. She left her family broken, barely able to pick up the pieces. She hurt all of those who loved her. Those who would have dropped everything to be there for her, to help her. If only she had reached out, maybe things would have been different. Alexis had a hard time not being angry with her. She felt like Sammy took the coward's way out. Maybe, what she meant no longer mattered. Maybe, just maybe it was time for everyone to stop thinking about what Sammy would have wanted. She left them. All of them. With that thought, Alexis made a decision. She was no longer going to hold back. She wasn't going to be a coward. She knew what she wanted, and she was going to try and get it. She needed to live her life. She needed to get out of Sammy's shadow.


                                                            ***************

   Jeremy awoke, and checked his phone. He had a missed call, and a text message. "Jesus, Drew... you are quite the pest." he murmured to himself, opening his messages. The message was not from Drew. It was from Alexis.

   "Shit." he grumbled to himself. He completely forgot about her party. He knew he should probably go, but the thought of facing her family made him sick to his stomach, or was that the effects of his late night binge drinking? Hell, it was probably both. He sat and thought for a moment, and decided he should probably make an appearance. He didn't want to disappoint her. So, without another thought, he sent her a reply, telling her he would be there. He closed his phone, and cursed to himself.  How was he going to handle this? Well, he was going to have to try.

   With a sigh, he climbed out of bed. Once again, the room spun around him. He was getting far too used to this feeling. He knew all he needed was a morning drink to cure it all. But, today that wasn't an option. He dragged himself into his bathroom and started the shower. While waiting for the water to warm up, he walked to his sink. Looking into the mirror hanging just above it, he looked at his 3 day stubble. God, he looked like hell. Was it too late to change his mind, and stay locked in his house for the day? No. He needed to go. He had to. Alexis wanted him there, and he wasn't going to let her down, not like he let Sammy down.

The Downward Spiral- Part 9

   Days had gone by, and the feeling of need nipped at his soul. The alcohol wasn't cutting it. He needed the pain killers. His doctor refused to refill the prescription, without seeing him, and damn it that made him mad. So, he made an appointment.

   Anxiety ripped through him every step he took toward the front door of his doctor's office. What if he didn't believe that he needed the pain meds? Or even worse, what if he cleared him for duty? With a deep breath, he strode into the office. Trying to put on his best "game face." He just hoped it would be enough. 

   The receptionist, a woman in her 50's with wild curly blonde hair, and an attitude to be reckoned with, took his name and asked him to take a seat. "Wow, someone woke up on the wrong side of the bed." Jeremy mumbled under his breath, and plopped down into the closet chair. The office didn't seem too busy. Hopefully he could be in, and out quickly. Fumbling with his fingers, Jeremy waited impatiently.

   In the door, appeared the office's nurse practitioner. In her hand, she held a clipboard. Looking around, searching the room she called out, "Jeremy?"

   Jeremy stood, and sauntered over to the petite woman. She greeted him with a smile. "Right this way, sir."

   "Please, the name is Jeremy. The use of sir makes me feel old." He tried to smile, but she didn't look too convinced. Could she tell how much of a mess he was? He didn't think so. He spent extra time this morning trying to clean up, and look presentable. 

   They walked in silence down a plain, white hallway lined with rooms. The walls were decorated with paintings of children, flowers, and an occasional "germs are bad" poster, with a small bottle of hand sanitizer perfectly placed underneath. The nurse practitioner stopped in front of room 11, and waited for him to step inside. 

   "Please sir, I mean Jeremy, have a seat. The doctor will be with you momentarily." She slipped out of the room, closing the door behind her. 

   Jeremy took a seat on the horribly uncomfortable exam table. His eyes scanning the room, taking in the random objects used to decorate. On the window sill sat a plastic model of the heart. On the counter, there were pamphlets regarding obesity, cardiac health, and family planning. What a wide variety of topics, he thought to himself, then laughed because he was actually putting thought into the choice of reading material offered in an exam room. He swore half of what was placed around the room, was strategically left out, to make patient's feel uncomfortable in their own skin. 

   After 10 agonizing minutes of waiting in the cramped exam room, a knock sounded on the door. The door creaked open, and in stepped Dr. Stow. The doctor was an older gentleman. His hair completely gray with age. His body, tall and slender. His eyes were magnified by his extremely thick glasses, that made Jeremy think of Harry Potter. The man wasn't much of a looker, that was for certain. 

   "So, Jeremy how are you feeling." Dr. Stow asked while examining Jeremy's head wound, which was now closed up. While asking Jeremy to do various things, the Doctor continued his exam, waiting for Jeremy to answer.

   "I'm okay, still pretty sore. My arm is really bothering me still." Jeremy lied.

    "Can you wiggle your fingers for me?" Said the doctor, looking deep in thought, moving the focus of his exam to Jeremy's arm. Jeremy wiggled his fingers. "Well, here's what we are going to do, I am going to send you down the hall for an x-ray, but first I need to remove the cast from your arm." Dr. Stow walked out of the exam room, just to return moments later with a tool in his hand that somewhat resembled an air grinder used to remove paint from metal.  

   Within minutes, his arm was free of the itchy cast. The air touching his skin felt like heaven. with his other hand, he inspected his arm, feeling for any remaining damage. Not feeling any, he felt a sense of urgency. What if his injury was 100% healed, and they refused to give him pain meds? The thought nearly drove him crazy. 

   Dr. Stow directed Jeremy toward x-ray, and escorted him into the room.

   After the X-ray was completed, Jeremy was brought back to his exam room, where he sat impatiently, once again. Dr. Stow re-entered the room, with a smile on his face.

   "Well, I have good news." He said. "X-ray is all clear. You no longer need the cast. It may take a few days for your arm to adjust to not being in a cast, but you are good to go!"

   Jeremy's heart sank. That is not what he was hoping for. This meant he would have to return to work. This meant no more pain medication. Unless of course, he played his cards right.

  "I am still having some pain in the area. Is there any way I could get another script for pain meds, especially for after work? I mean, my job requires lifting and I am afraid that the first few shifts back will put a huge strain on it." Jeremy said, holding his freshly un-casted arm.

   "Sure, I can't see any issue with that. I will fill out that script now. I will also give you a note to return to work. If you have any issues, call us up immediately." Dr. Stow left the room. 

   Jeremy was relieved. At least for now, he had his meds back. He had something to fall back on when his thoughts became too much. But now, he had to face having to return to work. With a sigh, he went to the receptionist, collected his paperwork, and went to the closest pharmacy. Tonight, he wouldn't think of anything other than oblivion. 

   

The downward spiral part 8

   Jeremy awoke to his phone ringing. He reached over and hit the silence button. weeks had past since he left the hospital. He spent most days laying on the couch, dozing off. With the help of the narcotics and alcohol, he was able to get through each day. Days that Andrew came over, were the only days he spent sober. Normally, Andrew would call in the morning, and ask him if he was up for visitors. That gave him enough time to get up, take a shower, and hide his booze. It felt silly to him that a grown man such as himself felt the need to hide anything, but after Andrew and Dawn had to rescue his drunk, injured ass, he thought it would be best that they didn't know he was still drinking.

   Sammy was still on his mind. He couldn't seem to remove the image of her lifeless body, cold and wet from his thoughts. 6 months had passed since Sammy's death, but time did nothing to fade the memory. He spent every minute, of every day missing his best friend. Without her, Jeremy felt like a waste of life. Like dog-shit on the soles of someone's boot. Reaching for his pain pills, out of instinct, Jeremy opened the cap. This was his last one. With a deep sigh, Jeremy tossed the pill into his mouth, and swallowed. This would be the last time medication would numb him.

    With a sigh, Jeremy removed himself from his bed. His goal for the day was simple, eat breakfast, then drink. Hell, that seemed to be his goal everyday. He knew at some point, he would have to face reality. He knew his time home on injury was numbered. But not today. Today he could pretend that what his life had become was okay. That this is what he needed to do to heal. He could pretend that he didn't need to return to a job that reminded him of how much life could really suck. He used to love his job. He lived and breathed the adrenaline. Not anymore. No, he felt as though he never would love it again.

   A knock sounded on his door. "Shit." he mumbled to himself. With a quick glance in the mirror, Jeremy checked to see if he looked any better than he felt. Nope, he looked like hell. The knocked sounded again, louder this time. "Coming!" Jeremy yelled, rolling his eyes at the impatience of his unwanted visitor. With a sigh, Jeremy opened the door. He thought it would be Andrew, he was gearing up to yell at him for just dropping in, when he saw the small figure standing in his doorway.

   It was Alexis.

   "You promised that you'd visit us." Sadness, showing in her eyes.

   "I'm sorry kiddo, I haven't felt up to it. I swear I had every intention on stopping in." Jeremy replied. His heart sinking when she tilted her head up to look at him. Her face looked haunted. Eyes red from crying. Dang, he felt like a jerk. He forgot that he wasn't the only one missing Sammy.

   "We've really needed you. I've Really needed you." Alexis sighed, wiping a tear from cheek. "I stopped at the station to see you. Dawn told me you had injured yourself. Are you okay?"

   Jeremy paused for a moment. He felt guilty. He didn't want Alexis, or the rest of Sammy's family worrying about him. "I'm fine. Had a weak moment. I'm getting better everyday." He lied. Forcing a smile, that didn't quite reach his eyes.

   Alexis studied his face for a moment, as if she was trying to see through him. With a shrug, apparently satisfied with what she saw, she hurried forward, and hugged Jeremy.

   Jeremy tensed up. Not knowing what to do. For a long moment, he merely just stood there. Then, he lightly wrapped his arms around Alexis. Alexis breathed deep, as if she was afraid that Jeremy would reject her. But now, she wasn't sure why she felt that way. She had known Jeremy for years, and he never passed up a hug. Something inside her told her, the Jeremy standing before her, was not the same Jeremy she knew 6 months ago. That was a damn shame.

   Alexis pulled away from Jeremy. With a light smile. she looked him in the eyes. "Listen, my birthday is next week. I'm turning 20, and we are having a get together. I wanted to invite you. Please consider coming. I'd really like to see you there." Now, blushing for a reason unknown to herself, she pushed the party invitation into his chest. "I hope to see you there." She said as she hurriedly walked back to her car.

   "What was that all about?" Jeremy wondered out loud. With a shake of his head, he turned to go back into his house. He stared at the invitation in hand. Should he go? Hell, he probably should, but he knew he wouldn't. He didn't feel ready to face reality. He wanted to be alone. Alone, and drinking.

   Jeremy strode toward the kitchen, looking at his collection of booze. Suddenly, whiskey just didn't seem like enough. Knowing his pill supply was depleted, he settled for the next best thing, his old buddy "Jack."


Written by: RU- Responders Unite
© Responders Unite- Do not remove author's name from material.

Is God among us?

   You spend the early hours of the morning removing a pair of teenage boys from the wreckage of what was once a vehicle. The first, is deceased on scene. As much as you wish you could help him, he is gone. The second, his life hangs by a string. A string that dangles in your face, taunting you. You hope with everything in you, that you can keep this kid alive, but he too succumbs to his injuries. You put your heart, sweat, and even your tears into these kids, and in the end you couldn't help either of them. Their young lives ended far too soon. It's hard to fathom how God could have been present. You can't even think of anything good that could come out of losing two young kids, who's lives were still ahead of them. Sometimes you wonder why you had to be there to see such tragedy unfold. Then the words of others pop into your head, and remind you that, "you can't save them all."

   You go about cleaning up your vehicle, to remove the remnants of the gory scene, that moments earlier took place. You step outside of the vehicle, and catch a warm breeze on your face. You raise your eyes, and bare witness to the most beautiful sunrise you have ever seen. Beautiful streaks of pink, orange, and purples smudged together forming a natural masterpiece. In that moment, you think to yourself "how can something so beautiful, something so perfect exist right after such a horrific, and emotionally draining night?" Is there a reason this once in a lifetime sunrise happened that day? Was it meant to be there when your mind needed it most? The world sometimes surprises you with it's beauty, often when you feel there is no beauty left.

   It's easy to chalk it up to mere coincidence, one that happened to give you just what you needed, at just the right moment. Could this perfectly timed comfort be the work of a higher power, telling you in silent beauty that you did what he wanted you to do, even though his plan was something different? It gives you something to think about.

   What if, every fatal accident we encounter, every innocent death, every murder, every sad call we bare witness to teaches us a little lesson? What if our mere presence, whether we can help or not is simply meant to be comfort enough for a family experiencing unbelievable grief? What if each experience sets us up for that one moment when we are put to the test and come out victorious? These are simple questions, but they leave a lot of room for wonder.

   Have you witnessed calm, comfort such as this before? Have you felt like something was placed right in front of you because at that moment in time, that is what you really needed? Do you stop and look for the beauty around you after seeing the horror that life can bring?

   I for one sometimes appreciate the well timed "gifts." Whether they are from God, or by mere coincidence. Sometimes looking for the beauty around you, can be just what you need.

A day in the life.....

It takes 6 alarms set on my cell phone to wake me up. I never really sleep for more than 4-5 hours a night. The years of doing this are starting to take a toll on my body. It takes me no longer than 15 minutes to shower and get myself ready. What's the point of looking my best? I will probably be wearing someone else's bodily fluid on me by noon.

I arrive at the station 20 minutes early, as I do every shift. Nobody likes when you get a call 20 minutes before you are supposed to be off. It's a courtesy thing, make sure you are there early so the crew before you can leave on time. Not like that ever means anything. Chances are they went out 15 minutes before you got there anyway, and will get out late just the same.

We do crew change, it's 7am and we are in the middle of going through our Ambulance to make sure nothing is missing when the first call of our shift comes in. *Attention A3, respond to 44456 maple drive for the unresponsive patient, unknown breathing status.*

You gather your things, hop in the front, and drive quickly to this residence. A hysterical wife, approximately in her late 70's greets you with tears in her eyes. She explains that she woke up and Joesph, her husband of 50 years wasn't breathing. You move past this grieving woman, into the bedroom where Joseph lays. He has been gone for hours. With a quick eval, we determine that rigor has set in, and traces of lividity stream down his left side, which was the side he was sleeping on. I attach him to the 4 lead monitor, and notice out of the corner of my eye the look of hope shining in the eyes of Agnus, his wife. I turn on the monitor and see what I expected to see, a flat line. There is nothing we can do for Joseph. We turn to Agnus, regretting what we are about to tell her. That her husband was too far gone, and that there was nothing we could do. We watch as the hope drains from her eyes, and is quickly replaced again with tears of sorrow. Her sobs fill the room, like a deafening roar. I lower my head, place my hand on her shoulder, and tell her that I am truly sorry for her loss. With that, we leave.

Now we are heading back to the base, when we are summoned once again. This time, it's a 19 year old female experiencing nausea and vomiting. We head to this emergency, just as quickly as we went to the last. We arrive, and what is the first thing that happens? I get puked on. We move her to the awaiting ambulance, give her an IV, and some nausea medication and we are on our way to the hospital.

The day continues on and on in this manner. It's flu season, so a lot of people have vomited in my vicinity. My stomach rumbles. The thought of a cheeseburger crosses my mind when we hear the tones again. *Attention A3, head to Rt 72 in the area of jake's bar for the person unresponsive in a vehicle." You call en route, and there goes the thought of dinner. 3 times you are updated. Each update painting a more gruesome picture. *A3, be advised the patient is located outside of the car on the pavement, in a pool of blood.* Then the next *A3, we are actually getting report that he is unresponsive, and has lost a lot of blood and is actually under a vehicle.* Then fire updates us... *A3, the patient is in cardiac arrest, was a pedestrian struck by a motor-vehicle at approximately 60mph. Launched about 75ft into the parking of Jake's bar.* This one is going to be messy.

We get on scene, a bar full of spectators encircle this patient. Knowing well the nature of a crowd full of intoxicated individuals, we work quickly to get him out public view. Blood lay pooled on the pavement. The man's shoes? They were knocked right off of him and are about 50 yards apart. In the light of the truck we see everything more clearly. Large skull fractures, blood coming from every orifice. 2 IVs are started, epi is pushed, and CPR is performed. I go to intubate, the airway is nothing but blood. Finally the tube goes in and we are breathing for him. What is that on the monitor? How the heck? This guy has a pulse back. We make quick work of him, in the short distance to the hospital. He made it, but won't likely make it long term.

The truck is a mess. We spend 20 minutes cleaning up blood and wrappers. Just as we finish, we make a mental note of the equipment used, and head back to our service area. We stock our truck, and then receive our next call. This time, it's a Heroin overdose.... and off we go again.

The night continues on with very few breaks in between calls. 24 hours on this shift is brutal. We maybe got 2 hours of sleep. Our relief will be in at 6:40am... it is now 6:35am.... The tones drop. Another unresponsive patient, unknown breathing status. Another one called in too late. We couldn't help this patient.

We get off shift 45 minutes late.

Some shifts are easy, others are hard. You will never know what a day will bring.

The Downward Spiral- Part 7

   Jeremy lifted his face toward the sun, it's rays meeting his skin, like a warm touch. The slight breeze crept over his skin. It felt good to be out of his hospital room. It was such a beautiful day, but all that consumed his mind was being home, alone. Without the help of the pain medication, that was graciously given to him during his hospital stay, he was sure to be overwhelmed with emotion once again. Birds chirped in the trees, a sound he used to enjoy listening to, was now more of an annoyance. As if knowing he needed to be pulled out of his thoughts, the sound of an engine broke the tension. It was Andrew, arriving right on cue.

   Andrew slowed to a stop, right beside Jeremy. His black SUV, worn with age. Jeremy walked slowly toward the passenger side door, reaching with his good arm for the loose handle. Andrew's SUV was never easy to get into, and Jeremy had been harping on him to get a new vehicle for years. Andrew always laughed, and said "Sally will be replaced when she is ready. I will run her into the ground. No need getting a new vehicle, when I have one that works just fine." With a slight wiggle of the handle, the door creaked open. 

   "Hey dude, how's it hanging?" Andrew greeted Jeremy with a smile.

   "Short, shriveled, and a little to the left." Jeremy replied with a grin. At least for now, Andrew's light humor could distract him from the dark thoughts threatening to surface. 

   "Too much information buddy, get in. Do you have to make a run to the drug store? I figured I would play errand boy for you. I have nothing better to do today, anyway." Andrew said, with a playful pat on the seat, as a gesture for Jeremy to climb in. 

   "Yeah, that would be great. I have a couple prescriptions to fill. Thanks bud. I appreciate this." Jeremy answered. 

   "Alrighty. Let's go then. I see enough of this place, it's time for a change of scenery." Andrew stated. 

    They left the hospital parking lot, and headed down RT. 62 toward the nearest pharmacy. Andrew tried making small talk, but Jeremy was back into his thoughts. With each person they passed, Jeremy began to resent the happiness of others. If the world saw the images he was forced to see, he could bet that they wouldn't smile as much as they did. Then again, they choose to be blissfully unaware of the ugliness around them. The death, sickness, and abuse. The closest these people come to any of it, was from what the news allowed them to see, which was nothing more than crime scene tape, and smashed up cars. With a simple, "That's sad." they move on with their lives, simply forgetting those that were lost. He thought, these people are like sheep mindlessly being herded into a slaughter house. Unaware of the events that could unfold in front of them. They enjoy their green meadows, never realizing that they too could be just another victim, shown on the 11:00 news. If only they knew, maybe life would be different. Instead, they live in a society where everyone thinks, "That can't happen to me." Jeremy let out a deep a sigh. 

   "We're here dude, you want me to run in for you, so you don't have to fight with the door?"

   "Sure, you'll need my address. One of the scripts is for pain medication, so you will need my Address." Jeremy replied, slightly grateful that Andrew gave him the opportunity to avoid people. 

   "I have your address, no big deal. I will be right back." Andrew swung his door open, and hopped out of the driver's seat. With a loud thud, he closed the door behind him. 

   Jeremy watched Andrew disappear into the store. He sat there, and watched person after person walk in, and out of the store. He almost felt sorry for them. They were so used to the ins, and outs of life that they never stopped once to see the bigger picture. He couldn't say much though. After Sammy died, he stopped enjoying life. Those moments with her, that he took for granted now ate at his soul. He wished he had done things differently. he couldn't help but feel like Sammy's death was his fault. He should have stayed by her side. He should have told her long ago how he felt. Maybe if he had, she would still be alive. Jeremy threw his head back, into the head rest. He immediately was thrown from his thoughts. He winced at the sharp pain, that consumed him. Duh, he had forgotten about the laceration on the back of his head. "Smooth move, idiot" he mumbled under his breath. 

   Andrew appeared in the doorway of the store. He walked toward the SUV, carrying bags in his hands. Jeremy watched him approach the vehicle. Andrew hopped in, throwing the bags at Jeremy. 

   "What's this? Looks like more than just the prescriptions." Jeremy asked.

   "I picked up some extra things. I got you some easy to make, canned goodies. I also picked up plastic bags to cover your cast with, so you can shower. OH! I also got you candy. Who can resist candy?" Andrew answered, with amusement in his eyes.

   "You're trying to make me fat, aren't you?" Jeremy said, accusingly. 

   "Dang, you're starting to sound like a woman. A simple thank you would suffice." Andrew laughed. 

   Jeremy did realize he was being rude to his friend. He went out of his way to help him, and he was treating him like rudely. "Thanks buddy, I was joking around. I really appreciate this. It's just hard to accept help sometimes."

   "Let go of your pride for a bit, and let me take care of you pookie." Andrew said, letting out a howling laugh, that came straight from his belly. 

   "I will, if you stop treating me like a woman!" Jeremy smiled, but again it didn't quite reach his eyes. He was trying hard to be seem happy. The best he could do, was to pretend.

   "Alright, alright. My muffin is cranky. Let's get you home." Andrew said, sensing that Jeremy was ready to be back in seclusion. 

   "Thanks." Jeremy stared out the window the rest of the ride to his house. His head was pounding, and he couldn't wait to pop some pills, and lay down. They pulled into his driveway, and Jeremy reached to open the door. He was stopped by Andrew putting his hand on his shoulder. 

   "Listen, I cleaned everything up. If you need anything at all, please don't hesitate to call. We're brothers, and I will be here in a heartbeat, if you need me."  Andrew said, concern showing on his face.

   "I know, and thanks. I appreciate it. I will call if I need you. Thanks again." Jeremy said, while opening the door of the SUV. He slid down off of the seat, and grabbed the bags from the store, loading them onto his good arm. With his foot, he closed the door of Andrew's vehicle, and strode toward his house. 

   He struggled to open his door, but once he got it open, the smell of chemical cleaner overtook his senses. He was almost glad that it wasn't the smell of alcohol, but that didn't stop him from walking right to the cabinet that held his liquor. He placed his bags down, and opened the cabinet. There was nothing in it. Andrew had tossed the rest of his alcohol. Jeremy's blood boiled. Hundreds of dollars in alcohol, gone! He was going to kill him!

   Frantically, Jeremy searched through his bags, and found the narcotics. He opened the cap, and shook out a couple of pills. He threw them to the back of his throat, and swallowed. Hopefully that would help take the edge off. 

   He paced, and paced until the medication began to kick in. Slowly he felt himself relax, sleepiness consumed him. He strode toward his bed, and laid down. Happy that the narcotics, once again took away his pain he closed his eyes, and with a deep breath he began to drift off to sleep. 

Written by: RU- Responders Unite
© Responders Unite- Do not remove author's name from material.